I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
