His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
