So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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