just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Randomize
