Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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