I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
