What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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