I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
