If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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