I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
