You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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