I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i drank out of a bidet.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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