the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
