My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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