I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
