just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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