Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
