I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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