Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
