he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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