the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I intend to get homeless drunk
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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