tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
