Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
