and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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