I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
