I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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