There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
