she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
