I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
