I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
