she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
