So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize