i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
