If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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