Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
