I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
