Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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