my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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