so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
