I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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