I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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