I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
