Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
