There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
