Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
