Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
