Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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