i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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