My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
