I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
